Dating again.

So I’ve been married for exactly one year, but I find myself dating again. Having come to Hong Kong knowing literally no one, we’re aggressively trying to make friends. Out to dinner with the Mr., I find myself longingly looking at groups of girls chatting away. Sometimes, I try to get just the right table next to a couple that looks like we could be friends with in hopes of maybe somehow catching their eye and exchanging a few words… despite my really wanting to make new friends here, when we’re in a big group, happy hour-type situation I get sudden stage fright and the Mr. has to give me a pep talk because I suddenly don’t even want to go afterall!

All that being said, lots of our friends and colleagues have been super nice about putting us in touch with friends here so we have been meeting up with other couples a lot as of late. We’re both struck by how friendly and welcoming everyone we have met has been! But dating in tandem is a little challenging–we both have to like both of them to make it work. Unlike dating pre-marriage though, you have someone to compare notes with after the date… the Mr. has been very reassuring. I almost always say something along the lines of ‘do you think she liked me?’ And then he makes the obligatory response of, ‘of course she liked you, she thought you were cool’ or this that and the other thing.

Like first dates, couples dating also has the list of requisite questions and topics that always come up… regardless of whether the couple was born and raised in HK or are expats like us, we still talk about the same things. Some of the stand bys include:

  • What you do and where you both went to school (just like singles dating).
  • How you met (my personal favorite).
  • Where you got married. And how big the wedding was.
  • How you get on with your in-laws.
  • How much time the Mr. or Mrs. spends at work (too much).
  • What TV shows you watch together (Jersey Shore and Mad Men mainly) on either iTunes or some Chinese site where you can get them from free or on your Sling Box.
  • What movies you’ve seen (lately Inception).
  • What you like to do (Which is, by the way, pretty much the same things… go out to eat, hike, maybe play tennis or scuba dive or ski).
  • What surprised you most about HK.
  • Where you want to travel to in Asia or where you’ve been most recently if you’ve been here a while.
  • The MRs will at some point bring up their wives either talking too much or melting down. (One Mrs. I met recently said her husband wears ‘wife protectors’ aka noise canceling Bose headphones on any flight so as to not be an entirely captive audience to her incessant questions and longing for deep conversation while the Mr. is ‘trapped’).

Then there is the playing hard to get, which applies in couples dating as well. There are so many people we would both love to hang out with again, but we don’t want to seem too eager! And to think that I thought I was done dating.

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One response to “Dating again.

  1. I found you through your MIL’s blog, and just had to comment on this post. I’m an Air Force wife, and our first station was in England. I thought, hey, they speak English, this should be easy. Wrong. I found other military wives either thought I was too young (we were 23), too boring (we drink, but don’t go out to the club and get drunk every single weekend….and living near the bar that seemed to be the people we lived closest to), or we didn’t have kids so we couldn’t possibly want to hang out with those that do (um, I’m the oldest of 4, and we’re well spread out, I love kids). We just began to really make a few friends we both liked when we moved back to the U.S. Now we’re at it all over again! 🙂 Good luck, and I’m sure the women all like you! Make second dates! I’m so glad I’m not the only one who is thinking “wasn’t I through with dating?”

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